I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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