so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
