i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
