I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
