Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
And then he peed in my hair
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