I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
