I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
