At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
