Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
