I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
