i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
