it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
