There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
