i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
