I faked an abortion last night.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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