Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
