He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
only if we run a train.
done.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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