he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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