hotel room ftw
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
