going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
