probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
