everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
