im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
