If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize