That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize