we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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