I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
