the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
