Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
