mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize