Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
