I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
