Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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