OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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