hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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