He uses pillows to masturbate.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
