My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
