Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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