If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize