its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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