Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
