Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
