Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
