so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
