I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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