If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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