I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you win again, gameday.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
