I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize