the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
sex in a hospital.. check
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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