Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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