They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
