So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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