we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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