wakey wakey hands off snakey
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
