what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize