Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
