Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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