So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
