Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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