the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
