he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
