some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
