first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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