you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
