a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
