We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
